Fragile Glass
by TomomiyaKoccoa
Summary: The human mind is a fragile thing, much less a child's naivety. Hinted SaiXHikaru.  Sai returns after a few years. Warning: Contains self-harm and angst. Lots of angst.
1. Sai

My take on the Sai comes back after a few years plot.

Summary: The human mind is a fragile thing, much less a child's naivety. Hinted SaiXHikaru.

* * *

Four years had passed since Sai's disappearance.

It was like four years of emptiness cracking at his mind, devouring his sanity within his passion for Go. He doubts his mind would last before he reaches 30, but whatever that remains of the old Hikaru wants to try anyway, for the sake of _his_ dream. For the sake of the Hand of God.

Today was the fifth of May.

As usual, a small group of people stands outside his apartment door, hesitant to step into his privacy.

As usual, they find him sitting _seiza_ in front of a beautiful _kaya goban_.

As usual, an unfinished game lay upon it, barely six hands in.

They knew that Hikaru was not to be disturbed during this day, no matter the unknown reasons behind it. His calm, blank face reading the board, the pure devastation that raged within those dull green orbs was enough to shut even the most insensitive up.

Today appeared the same, Waya dropping in with Isumi, chatting on and on, attempting to convince him to move in vain effort. Akira would shift towards the other side, as if to claim the seat of the opponent, but the eyes that stares a hole into his soul would cause him to flinch, and swiftly walk out and question the credibility of his rival status.

His parents had long since stopped trying to understand their son, instead choosing to silently support him by being the hosts in his apartment that day. His grandfather would stare for a long time at the goban as he sat next to him. His eyes would occasionally light up in understanding, and he would smile bitterly, seeing a story nobody but Hikaru could hear.

Akari would stop by the door, smile sadly, and leave. Many people who've met him would walk in; stare at him in worry, before leaving uneasily.

His grandfather stands and quietly leaves, leaving Waya and Isumi alone with Hikaru.

They fall into an awkward silence, but deals with it casually, having faced this situation before.

"_Again."_ Waya thinks, _"Nothing is different this year again."_

Tap. Tap. Tap.

The two swivels around in surprise towards the door. A figure stands there, but they cannot recognize the stranger. The long, too femininely black hair convinces them that the stranger is a female, but the sharp eyes and firm lips settled on a definite male face evidently says otherwise.

Waya boldly asks for the stranger's identity, while Isumi looks at him questioningly. Hikaru does not turn, unaffectedly staring hard at the goban.

The stranger tilts his head at the duo to acknowledge their presence, but turns his sad eyes on the figure before the goban.

His voice echoes out softly, "Can you hear me?"

The reaction was instantaneous. Waya stared at him incredulously, shocked by his question and his audacity to ignore them, but their attention was immediately captured by Hikaru's tears that slowly flowed down from his eyes. He did not turn his head.

The stranger frowns, than walks nearer and repeats, "Can you hear me?"

Hikaru lets out a sob; his hand that held on to his paper fan tightens. The other two there looks on in confusion coupled with the terrible feeling that they were intruding upon something sacred occurring, something extremely private.

The stranger sighs melancholically, and then shifts right in front of Hikaru, casually taking the seat opposite. Isumi's eyes widen in surprise, and Waya lets out a gasp.

"Hikaru..." The stranger says firmly, staring straight at the slowly widening eyes, "Can you hear me?"

There was a long pause, and it appears as if all Hikaru was going to do was stare at the stranger with his rapidly paling skin, and eyes going so wide Waya thought they were going to pop out. Perhaps, Isumi feels in a stroke of sudden genius, perhaps the stranger was the one that Hikaru was waiting for, and soon they might have a touching reunion.

He was quickly proven right and yet so very wrong at the same time when Hikaru opened his mouth and releases a bloodcurdling scream. The stranger flinches in shock, staring as Hikaru screams in a way a tortured, dead _beast_ would scream, and flies across the goban, desperate hands quickly finding their way on his now rumpled suit in an iron grip. Hikaru shakes and screams and sobs, his hands never letting go.

The go stones and cups crashes in his haste, but is quickly forgotten, as is the precious goban that swiveled away by his rush.

The scream dies down to a long chant, words repeating over and over again, dripping with despair.

The stranger is silent, wrapping his arms around the smaller, trembling go-player. It's like the world has shrunk to fit just them two, and nothing else exists.

Day turned to night, and night turned to dawn.

Waya and Isumi finds themselves in a state of numb shock, the only thing in their minds was of the scene overnight. Their hearts felt like dry ice, the image of the stranger moving even the slightest inch and causing Hikaru to let out another broken wail and increase his fervent chants continued to replay insistently in their minds. The worst were the words itself.

* * *

_"Don't leave me, don't leave me, don't leave me, don't leave me, don't leave me, don't leave me, don't leave me, don't leave me, don't leave me, don't leave me, don't leave me, don't leave me, don't leave me, don't leave me, don't leave me..."_

_**

* * *

**_

"_**Please don't leave me, **__**Sai...**__**"**_


	2. Hikaru

Humans, Hikaru idly noted one day, were creatures who simply could not stand to be alone. Once something was gone, they would begin to yearn for it again. They would start missing that something or someone.

He stares silently at the goban in front of him, an array of black and white settled upon it. His opponent gulps at the move, staring at the stones in a panic, attempting to dissect a path out of this dangerous game.

Hikaru's mind takes a walk amidst the familiar sounds of _klack klack _that fills the air.

It started, he supposed, when he realized that Sai was in his _go._

And then he noticed how short sighted he had been, and his vision began to clear. Things that seemed like the boorish everyday life suddenly started to emit a sort of call, forcing his mind to work and his eyes to take note of things he did not at first.

The first thing that had called out to him was his very own bedroom. He remembers the morning after Isumi visited him, he had woken up and memories of how Sai had always been there, childishly tugging at his shirt and demanding a game, comes flowing back.

Hikaru thinks that that was perhaps when the feelings of missing a loved one began to gnaw at his heart.

As he sits on the toilet seat, his mind brings back how he would yell at Sai to get out the first time his teenage shyness began. The present him would smile wistfully at the memory, and the empty feelings increases.

The next day, as he walks down the streets, the modern technologies joggles his memories, and brings him back to the time when Sai would curiously put his head through the vending machines, or gasp in surprise as an airplane zooms pass above. The aching feelings increases tenfold because technology was practically _everywhere._ Hikaru, for the first time, wishes with an unknown hatred for technology to never have existed.

He continues to walk, pausing only to gaze silently at an old shop. It was an antique shop. He could see, even through the dusty window, the clothes from the Heian era hanging upon a rack behind the other objects that spoke of a thousand years. The memory of Sai in similar clothes causes him to sneer at the shop. The quality of the clothes was obviously vastly different, he thinks maliciously, and the sight of such a poorly made costume forced a vile emotion to churn in his stomach wildly, never mind the fact that the shop was famous for its' authenticity.

He grits his teeth and turns away, his suddenly heavy feet forced to move against its' wishes. Hikaru does not want to think of the reason for the blossoming pain in his heart. It feels like daggers piercing through it, and it was May 5th all over again.

He reaches the Go Institute, ready for his game, his mind fully cleared by then of any distractions. As expected, he plays a dominating game.

A few months later, as Hikaru becomes accustomed to the growing pain biting at him, he finds himself in the tournament of the Hokuto Cup, fighting against Ko Yongha, who had insulted Shusaku and thus indirectly insulted Sai.

Even as he plays, his hand that held on to his fan tightly began to tremble. Warning bells rang around his senses but he had to ignore them despite the sudden tightness in his heart. When the game ends with his loss, along with the scathing remarks, regretful tears and dramatic epiphanies, Hikaru locks himself in his hotel room and lets out a silent scream.

The game itself brings back too much memory, and once more, his heart surprises him with the amount of pain and despair it can produce. He throws a muffled tantrum, he slams himself into the wall, and he claws at his heart, the loneliness and heartache that had built up within bursting out like a dam as the games he and Sai had played replays over and over in his mind.

The next day, he smiles like nothing had happened, and gives the appropriate scowl when the final game between Japan and Korea is brought up. Akira and Yashiro had given him weird looks sometimes, but otherwise did not seem to suspect a thing and he mentally congratulate himself for the job well done on the bags under his eyes.

When he returns to his empty home, the first thing Hikaru does is to burrow himself in his bed, closing his eyes and wailing into his pillow.

He does not go to the Institute for a week, claiming that he was sick and felt terrible for that loss against Ko Yongha. Nobody questioned the validity, and instead nodded at the acceptable reason.

When he could finally bring himself to look at a game and ignore the light flaps of Sai's white sleeves by the corner of his eyes, or the invisible fan that reaches from behind him and taps lightly on the board or even how he sometimes mutter out loud towards empty air, Hikaru manages to bring himself back to the Go world before people start to worry about his absence.

He understands that seeing this was not normal, but really, when had he ever been normal anyway?

Hikaru lets himself be convinced that this would help appease his empty heart, but the iciness covering his insides forbids him from admitting it out loud.

When he returns to the Institute, he was back to the old sunshine and smiles towards everyone, and he was glad nobody could tell his lies apart anymore from the relieved looks in their eyes. His thoughts about the reason why and what he lied in the first place dulls his eyes, and takes away the colors, but as he grins and hides the pupils away, nobody takes note of them. (Although sometimes, Waya stares at him for a moment too long, Akira looks frustrated when he thinks he's not looking, Touya Koyo seemed to have a look of understanding and Yashiro would look that little bit more worried when his eyes are hidden away...)

Years passed, and he began to accept the lingering haze of insanity that travels lightly across his mind. Every single day were filled with things that reminded him of Sai and his reactions to the strange advanced world. His screams were long rendered silent, and his fingernails found his chest to be a repetitive place to lash out at when the nights grew too cold.

As May 5th approaches each year, Hikaru puts himself into the routine of sitting by the kaya go board Sai once inhabited. He puts down the stones that were there and silently waits, praying for Sai to return. The first year went by unnoticed, but his friends quickly noticed his absence on that day, faithfully waiting in his room for an unknown opponent. They started to visit him during that day, shocked by his 'sudden' change. They would often sit around him, mourning silently for him. They didn't understand why he was so sad, but tries to help him in their own ways all the same.

Waya takes up the self-proclaimed job of talking to the quiet go-player sitting by the board, and Isumi would occasionally give him a comforting pat. Akira tries to be a new opponent Hikaru could accept, but was handed a cold fury that causes him to stumble. Still, he tries every year, unable to leave his rival just like that.

And now, back to the game before him. His opponent finally puts down a stone, and his hand immediately reacts and places another stone, successfully slaughtering the other. His opponent pales at the move, and bites his lip anxiously.

"_Hikaru, Hikaru! Let's play Go!"_

Thuk. Thuk. Thuk.

"_Go is a wonderful game, Hikaru!"_

His opponent jumps at the sound of Hikaru's fan hitting the bowl impatiently, and his eyes widens in fear. Tomorrow was the beginning of May, his mind unhelpfully supplies at the back, and everybody knows that the month of May was when Shindo-pro's power evolves into terrifying heights. He shivers in fright, before bowing his head and utters in a trembling voice, "I-I have l-lost..."

"_Wow! What is that, Hikaru?"_

Hikaru bows back in thanks, before leaving without a word. This too had become an action to be expected when May rolls around. His movements were fast as he stalked hurriedly home. His mind felt weary and the cracks he had desperately tried to cover up seemed to be breaking again.

"_Look! Look! It's a giant metal bird in the sky, Hikaru!"_

"_...Hikaru."_

Four years, he thinks, just a mere four years and he gets the ominous feeling that his mind cannot last much longer. Hikaru reaches his home, hurriedly stomping up the stairs and to the bathroom. Nobody is home yet, he tells himself as he slams the door shut.

"_... Hikaru!"_

His silent screaming starts. Desolation clouds his heart, Sai's voice running through his mind like a broken recorder. He throws himself against the mirror for the first time, shattering it without a care. He barely takes notice of the shards cutting him, blindly clawing at himself. One hand finds a long, broken shard, and he stabs himself on his leg. It was as if a button was pushed, and his voice came out abruptly. He wails in the room, the only relief derived from the fact that the room was shut tight and thus could barely be heard from the outside.

"_Hikaru!"_

Hikaru faces the broken pieces of mirror by the floor, and finds the abyss staring right back at him. His eyes were wide and clear with pain, and blood was spread out around his thighs. His fingers made angry red scratch marks across his skin, and the air was filled with a disgusting coppery smell.

A sudden calm descends upon him, and he watches from within as his body automatically begins to clear the mess. It was as if the madness before had never occurred. Hikaru wonders if his soul is separated from his body now, as he observes like an outsider how his body began to bandage itself up and hide within baggy clothes and long sleeves. Even the shards were quickly dumped, and the window opened up to clear the foul air.

The day ends in a disturbingly normal manner, accompanied by a few silent days.

May 5th creeps up suddenly, and Hikaru is once again sitting in front of the goban. He quietly waits for that one soul he wishes to meet again. Despite that, Hikaru thinks absentmindedly, perhaps he would not last until the next year, considering how his current mentality has broken another limit and begun to hurt his physical body.

The afternoon passes by uneventfully, and even Hikaru's grandfather stood up and left after so long. Waya and Isumi were the only ones left, sadly watching the frail figure observing the board.

Tap. Tap. Tap.

There was a rustle and Hikaru thinks that Waya's probably surprised by something, but he chooses to ignore it. It was probably some other friend who came late or something. He loses track of who comes and who goes during this period.

"_Can you hear me?"_

A familiar voice calls out. Tears fall as Hikaru recalls the time when he first noticed that voice. It felt a little different from then, but the words continue to echo within him.

"_Can you hear me?"_

He lets out a sob, and tightens his grip on the fan he holds. '_Yes Sai, I can hear you... Please come back...'_ He mentally cries out to the replaying images of his first memories of Sai.

There was a light sigh from behind him, and familiar long hair enters his sight. His eyes began to grow wide in shock, as the very person he missed so very dearly gracefully settled down opposite him. He pales, and his mind barely takes notice of the gasp behind him.

Hikaru screams, his heart torn apart and put together and torn apart again. His mentality finally bursts, and he thinks that maybe this is the next step towards insanity; conjuring images of what Sai would look like if he had returned to him.

The image of Sai flinches in shock, and Hikaru scrambles across the goban, pushing everything away in his haste. His despair was stilled for only a moment when his hands could actually touch this Image-Sai, and he grips on tightly, never wanting to let go.

Image-Sai stares at him in shock and surprise, before slowly wrapping his hands around the suddenly small, trembling, fragile form. Tears wells up and falls slowly from his familiar purple eyes, and Hikaru begins to mutter fervently under his breath.

Sai cries as he holds on to the madness that looks up at him with wide, terrified eyes and echoes the words he chants in his heart. _'What have I done?' _Sai murmurs achingly with his heart, _'Hikaru...'_ The world shrunk to fit them both, forgetting then the other two in the room that watches them with an icy shock.

'_Oh Hikaru...' _Sai thinks as he wraps himself around the younger male, _'I now know why God allowed me to return to you with a body...'_

* * *

_"Don't leave me, don't leave me, don't leave me, don't leave me, don't leave me, don't leave me, don't leave me, don't leave me, don't leave me, don't leave me, don't leave me, don't leave me, don't leave me, don't leave me, don't leave me..."_

* * *

"_I'll never leave you, I'll never leave you, I'll never leave you, I'll never leave you, I'll never leave you, I'll never leave you, I'll never leave you, I'll never leave you, I'll never leave you, I'll never leave you, I'll never leave you, I'll never leave you, I'll never leave you, I'll never leave you, I'll never leave you..."_

* * *

"_Please don't leave me, **Sai**..."_

"_I'll never leave you, **Hikaru**."_

* * *

Edit: Lol. I forgot xD. Many thanks to all who reviewed this small, random story!

Edit2: I might do a random person's POV kinda thing another day. I'm not sure. Kind of in a block right now. ;A; (Editted some parts.)

Edit3: Um. Fixed some really glaring mistakes...


	3. Waya

"_Battle not with monsters, lest ye become a monster,  
and if you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes into you."_

_~ Friedrich Nietzsche_

_

* * *

_

Waya loves Go. He loves the feeling of the cold stone against his calloused fingers, placing them down in a neat and calculated manner. He enjoys the feeling of being in control on the board. But he is also a normal boy. He likes to take a break and have a nice chat with his friends. He likes to walk to the movies and take walks and have fun in amusement parks.

Waya loves Hikaru like how he loves Go. But he is a normal boy, and knows that he doesn't have as much moves as Go. Despite that, he knows that outside of Hikaru, he has more moves as a normal boy going about his life in his normal, care-free ways.

He understands that something as complicated as Go is not what he wishes to turn to, not when a living example before him shows the amount of pain it equates to. Waya is a normal boy, so he understands that his cowardly, jealous and mean sides are normal, so very much unlike Go, which always picks the most difficult and confusing ways to go, which always have a million moves that he could never have went down on.

* * *

Day by day, starting from when he first met Hikaru, Waya notices that there was something odd about the other boy. Just as he was starting to get used to the exuberant boy, Hikaru changed. Waya didn't understand the sudden change, but he accepted it in his own way, because Hikaru is his friend. His overflowing curiosity was reaching its' peak when Hikaru changed again.

Waya wonders what is going on, and if he truly was Hikaru's best friend. His attention was taken away immediately, because again Hikaru began to show signs of changing and this time it brought forward a sense of dread. Waya observes closely, discreetly and quietly. He waits patiently for Hikaru to let the cat out of the bag, but he never did. Waya ponders on why Hikaru's guard is forever so tight, and does he not feel tired?

Months later, after the Hokuto Cup, Waya realizes that his own guard had accidentally been lowered, because Hikaru's actions became different from the Hikaru months back. Distressed and confused, Waya sets out on a determined man's quest that night. He collects weeks of research and studies them vehemently, vowing to get the truth out of the duo-color haired male. He carefully forces Hikaru to a night's worth of drinks, and parties like mad.

It was a mistake, he realizes, when Hikaru's eyes drifts open to half lids, and the signs of warning bells rings madly in his mind. Hikaru murmurs incomprehensible words under his breath, and his grip upon the white yukata Waya wore on that Obon festival day was like a desperate man on the verge of death's doors.

That night, Waya brings the loud Hikaru into his empty home, and notes with a half-clear mind how Hikaru's actions were reduced to his old self. He absently realizes how Hikaru's smile shined and his eyes became alive in a different way. As he stares and is dragged around by the hyperactive, drunk male, he notices that the image reflected in those green eyes was that of a mature male with long, stunning black hair in a white Kariginu.

Waya convinces himself that they were both drunk, and that the haze of madness that descended upon his quaint apartment was not real. When he wakes up with a splitting headache and to the wide grin on Hikaru's face, a part of him cracks and crumbles. The boy, for that is what he'd turned into, twirls about the apartment, letting loose a childish yet chilling laughter and bounces about the room excitedly. Waya feels the horror creeping around the edges of his mind, and he snaps.

He plasters a smile on his face, and the duo plays a façade, a show that Waya doesn't understand. It's like he is possessed, and the two exchange pleasantries that sounds unreal to his ears. The insanity that is oh so obvious within those green orbs drives his mind into circles.

Perhaps he was affected by it, Waya thinks as he winds his arms around the smaller figure, and they dance a dance of thrilling madness.

* * *

The next day when Waya sees Hikaru again, he notes the hidden craze, and the actions that he would've normally passed off as Hikaru's antics began to make sense. Hikaru appears to not remember the events of yesterday, and Waya allows himself to forget.

Waya is a normal boy, and it was perfectly normal for him to want to be scared of this unknown entity that captured his best friend, and would probably capture him too if he were to pluck the forbidden fruit known as 'Truth'.

So when years later, a long haired male steps into Hikaru's solemn home and the two breaks into a thousand years of sorrows' worth of tears, Waya cannot help the relief that flows through him, nor the sick, gut-wrenching feeling in the bottom of his stomach twisting its' way about.

* * *

Amidst the conflicting emotions that rages about wildly, Waya loves Hikaru in the way he loves Go, and he understands that Hikaru believes his existence to exist solely for the man named Sai, just like how Sai exists for Go.

* * *

[Honestly I'm not very certain of this last part, but I hope I got most of his feelings across. –laughs- Also, this was written because someone suggested I do a Waya POV. Not sure who I'll do next, but eh, when inspiration strikes, it just does. It's shorter than the first two, so hopefully it's not a sign that my writer's block is coming again.]


End file.
